It’s been a Purple Rain sort of day; I
think I listened to that song like twenty eight times.+Drake released his Views
from the 6 finally today; on Apple Music. I haven’t listened to it, but the
lyrics landed in my inbox via Genius so I did read it. Wasn’t really telling me
anything I didn’t know. Him and Riri have a friends with benefits thing going
on…they sing about it on every record they do. She booty calls him late
at night. He wants their relationship to be more than that. She doesn’t have
time for a relationship. He’ll wait. It’s practically been a mantra since 2014.
What else?
Oh yeah, the judge sealed Prince’s autopsy
investigation so they don’t have to tell us so people are making up their own
shit as to why he died. It annoys me because Prince doesn’t deserve that shit.
Let him die as he lived.
Meanwhile speculation on who Becky with the
Good Hair is, is still in high gear. Does she exist? Is she just one girl? Are
Jay and Bey getting divorced? Usual story that circulates about once every
before album launch. I don’t care. Though Karrine Steffans did write a starkly
vulnerable article about how she’s Becky and
Beyonce which impressed me with its honesty. You don’t usually get that level
of bare chested, unfiltered information these days. Also why did it make me
think Jay-Z is selfish in bed. I don’t know. Maybe because people who’ve had
sex with him are always talking/singing about giving him blowjobs. No mention of returning the favor. And he’s not even
that cute…
Well anyway, why I was writing is because I’m
listening to all my sad songs today; I haven’t been able to since my daddy
shuffled off the mortal coil. It’s been too hard; see I’m one of those people
who run away from pain? I’m a consummate coward about it. If I think it’ll be
too hard I deflect, I distract, I prevaricate, I fill that space with other
things, till I feel like the danger is passed. So apparently Prince dying and
me listening to Purple Rain on a loop means the danger is passed. I can now sit
down and listen to my sad songs play list and let myself feel it. Feel loss, feel pain, feel angry and sad and wistful and
nostalgic. And feel like I’ll come out the other side without it killing me. I
always feel like I might not survive emotional pain when it’s too fresh. But
now, I can bask in it, while Purple Rain plays in the background and fully
appreciate Prince’s prowess on a guitar, sing it out loud; and get through this
valley of the shadow of death…
It feels very appropriate that it’s rainy
as fuck.
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